i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
