He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
