I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
