Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
