i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
