Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
