Banned from zoo.
Again?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
