Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
its liver damage thursday
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
