I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
