i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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