Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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