I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
