Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
