I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
