Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
