just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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