I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
