Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
