honey bunches of taint.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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