apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
