Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
