How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I want her autograph on my taint
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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