If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
