I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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