she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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