I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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