I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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