My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
