I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
