What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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