By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
