R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
