I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
