It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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