it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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