i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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