funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i dont even know how to be here
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
