Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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