You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
