So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
