Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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