3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
