wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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