so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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