And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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