I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
