end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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