whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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