My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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