new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
