I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
