Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
