1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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