Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Randomize
